HALF PRICE OFFER Subscribe to Cotswold Life today CLICK HERE

Editor’s Comment Christmas 2015

09:34 05 November 2015

Yabba Dabba Doo and a Merry Christmas to you!

Yabba Dabba Doo and a Merry Christmas to you!

Archant

Editor Mike Lowe discusses the festive antics of the annual office Christmas party.

While I am the master of most functions on this magazine, I do not directly design the pages – that is the job of a very nice chap in Norwich. This means that I have no idea what picture might adorn these words although, given that this is our Christmas issue, I suspect it will be one of a grumpy old bugger in a Santa hat.

Now I am not anti-Christmas per se, but it’s just that after several decades on this planet, certain aspects of the celebrations begin to grate a bit. My colleague Adam Edwards eloquently details many of these a few pages further on, but please allow me to give a good thrashing to my personal bugbear – The Office Party.

[For legal reasons – and for the purposes of maintaining a harmonious office environment - Cotswold Life employees should note that none of the following applies to them.]

The Office Party is an annual ordeal at which people who don’t particularly like each other and who resent every minute they have to spend in each other’s company are subjected to an afternoon or evening of enforced jollity and suspect fruit punch. In a previous working life, on a newspaper far from these parts, this Noel nightmare was funded by a penny-pinching management to the magnificent tune of £5 a head, which meant that we were condemned to gather at a soulless city centre hotel where we were served cardboard turkey, yesterday’s warmed-up sprouts, bullet-like cocktail sausages and gravy of a puzzling origin.

Did I mention that it was fancy dress? I had argued long and hard against the notion in the management meeting, but was outvoted by the advertising department and a circulation director who was notorious for dressing up as a woman at any given opportunity. At home, most evenings, by all accounts.

And what is it with the Scots? Give them an invitation to the Christmas do and at the drop of a Tam O’Shanter they’re in the full kilt ensemble, complete with a dinky little dagger down their sock.

To be fair, it’s not all of them. The fiercest Glaswegian sub-editor I ever knew wouldn’t have dreamt of doing the Full Jock. It’s more often the so-called Shortbread Scots of second or third generation, most of whom have never been further north than Newcastle, who embrace this tartan tomfoolery with zeal.

Which brings us to a young trainee journalist whose father was a London lawyer and whose mother came from a moneyed family of Borders cattle rustlers. We will call him Brian, for that was his name. Brian seemed to have got it into his head that he was Scottish, except when England played rugby or football, when he mysteriously reverted to being the ex-Durham University stoodent that we all knew he was. He certainly couldn’t drink like a proper Scot and had clearly overdone the suspect fruit punch.

Once the disco was under way, Brian the Shock Jock, performed his party piece, as they all inevitably do once they’ve got a skirt on. He whirled into the musical melee, lifted his kilt at an unimpressed secretary and projectile vomited across the crowd. And that’s when the fight started.

Later, after the managing director had disappeared in a taxi with two tele-ad girls (it was always interesting to see who got a promotion and pay rise on the post-Christmas return to work) I decanted a comatose Brian into my own cab and sent him home. Which meant that I had to walk three miles across town to the office to sleep under my desk. In the rain. Dressed as Fred Flintstone.

Yabba Dabba Doo and a Merry Christmas to you!

mike.lowe@archant.co.uk
Follow Mike on Twitter: @cotslifeeditor

0 comments

Welcome , please leave your message below.

Optional - JPG files only
Optional - MP3 files only
Optional - 3GP, AVI, MOV, MPG or WMV files
Comments

Please log in to leave a comment and share your views with other Cotswold Life visitors.

We enable people to post comments with the aim of encouraging open debate.

Only people who register and sign up to our terms and conditions can post comments. These terms and conditions explain our house rules and legal guidelines.

Comments are not edited by Cotswold Life staff prior to publication but may be automatically filtered.

If you have a complaint about a comment please contact us by clicking on the Report This Comment button next to the comment.

Not a member yet?

Register to create your own unique Cotswold Life account for free.

Signing up is free, quick and easy and offers you the chance to add comments, personalise the site with local information picked just for you, and more.

Sign up now

Shop with us at Great British Life

More from Out & about

09:42
HRH The Prince of Wales, Patron, Music in Country Churches, at a concert at Malmesbury Abbey, Malmesbury, Wiltshire,England, on Saturday 21st May. The concert was performed by the English Chamber Orchestra and featured British Cellist, Caroline Dale.
(PIC PAUL NICHOLLS) TEL 07718 152168
EDF ENERGY SOUTH WEST NEWS PHOTOGRAPHER OF THE YEAR 2009/2014
WWW.PAULNICHOLLSPHOTOGRAPHY.COM

HRH The Prince of Wales, patron of Music in Country Churches, attended a concert at Malmesbury Abbey, Wiltshire, on Saturday, May 21, 2016. The concert was performed by the English Chamber Orchestra and featured British cellist, Caroline Dale.

Read more
Yesterday, 17:10
Painswick ©  Raymond Llewellyn, Shutterstock

Whether you want to enjoy cream tea in a landscaped garden or unwind in front of a log fire in a local pub, we’ve created a guide to help you make the most of your visit to the countryside town of Painswick.

Read more
Thursday, May 19, 2016
Arlington Row © Jenifoto, Shutterstock

Perhaps one of the most famous locations in the Cotswolds, the quintessential cottages and pretty riverside location of Bibury are a must-visit on any trip to the region.

Read more
Wednesday, May 18, 2016
Andrew Roland © Shutterstock

Cotswold villages are some of the most beautiful in Britain – think honey-coloured cottages, cosy pubs, tiny tearooms and narrow streets. We pick ten of the prettiest Cotswolds villages to explore.

Read more
Wednesday, May 11, 2016
Are you in search of beautiful Cotswold views?

The Cotswolds are famous for rolling hills, countryside views and honey-coloured architecture. Here are ten of the best places to catch a glimpse of breathtaking Cotswold scenery.

Read more
Tuesday, May 10, 2016
Cirencester © tornadoflight, Shutterstock

The Cotswold market town of Cirencester is renowned for having a wealth of history and heritage dating back as far as the Roman Empire. We’ve assembled a brief guide to help you make the most of this wonderful location.

Read more
Friday, May 6, 2016
The view of the Cotswold Hills scarp and Severn Valley © Joe Dunckley

The Cotswolds Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty offers unrivalled opportunities for recreation and so to celebrate its Golden Anniversary we’ve compiled 50 top ways to enjoy yourselves out and about. Here are the first 25; see the May issue (on sale now) for 25 more

Read more
Tuesday, May 3, 2016
Market Hall © Nadger, Thinkstock

Whether it’s warm hospitality, luxurious spa days or just a pint in a traditional pub, you will find all this and more in our guide to Chipping Campden

Read more
Thursday, April 28, 2016
Log House Holidays, Poole Keynes, Gloucestershire

Candia McKormack and family go in search of tranquillity – and a good WiFi signal – on a short break in a Cotswold log house

Read more
Wednesday, April 27, 2016
David Hughes © Shutterstock

Keep that rubber on the road with a motivational refuel at one of these top cycling cafés in the Cotswolds.

Read more
Wednesday, April 27, 2016
Chipping Norton © James Stringer, Flickr, (CC BY-NC 2.0)

Chipping Norton has kept its charms with old fashioned streets and characteristic muted yellow buildings but also manages to provide excellent leisure and retail

Read more
Monday, April 25, 2016
Peter Raymond Llewellyn © Shutterstock

Is it any wonder the Cotswolds are one of the most popular places for a staycation?

Read more
Friday, April 22, 2016
The historical town of Stow on the Wold in the Costwolds © Gordon Bell, Shutterstock

Stow-on-the-Wold is one of the prettiest towns in Gloucestershire. Think honey-coloured buildings, cosy pubs, tiny tearooms and narrow streets. We’ve assembled a brief guide to help you make the most of this tiny Cotswold market town.

Read more
Sunday, April 17, 2016
The village of Castle Combe in the Cotswolds @ JeniFoto, Shutterstock

Sssh… Don’t tell anybody but we think we might have found the prettiest streets in the Cotswolds. Which one is your favourite?

Read more

Newsletter Signup



Subscribe or buy a mag today

subscription ad
subscription ad

Local Business Directory

Cotswold's trusted business finder

Job search in your local area



Search For a Car In Your Area


Property Search