CHRISTMAS OFFER Subscribe to Cotswold Life today CLICK HERE

Editor’s comment: September 2018

PUBLISHED: 15:15 22 August 2018 | UPDATED: 15:47 22 August 2018

"If you've eaten the last of the Spam, Brenda, there's going to be hell to pay..."

This content is subject to copyright.

Thinking of stockpiling food for a No Deal Brexit? Take some inspiration from our editor Mike Lowe who’s come up with his own essential shopping list ahead of our ‘imminent isolation’

The idea that the government might be able to stockpile food and other essentials in the event of a No Deal Brexit was so risible that I didn’t think anyone would take it seriously. Just about every business in this country operates a ‘Just In Time’ strategy (not least the motor manufacturers who would see production grind to a halt if a truckload of nuts and bolts didn’t turn up on time) and food suppliers simply don’t have the storage capacity to keep more than a few pallets of tinned pilchards in stock. And then there’s the question of seasonability. If imports become problematic, then we’ll have to live on an Olde English diet of turnips, cabbage and sprouts from November through to March.

However, no-one seems to have explained this to 300 Guardian readers who responded to an enquiry as to how they might be preparing for this imminent Armageddon. Now it was obvious that some of its worthier, holier-than-thou readers would embrace nuts and sackcloth at the drop of a macrobiotic yoghurt pot, but I was surprised at the number already investing in ‘Brexit Supplies’. One chap has bought shelving racks and plastic storage boxes for his garage and is doubling up on non-perishable and long-dated stuff every time he goes shopping. Another is buying yeast and flour and is “endeavouring to learn to bake bread”. (It’s not that hard, mate.) A third has run a power cable down the back garden to the shed where a small chest freezer is full of mackerel and spinach. (An uninterrupted power supply? Are you sure? A diet of mackerel and spinach? Are you sure?)

The shopping lists of these surprise survivalists are as you would expect. There are the usual vegetables, pulses, tinned tuna, rice, pasta, curry paste, water chestnuts, herbs and spices and, completely out of character, cans of spaghetti hoops – although no-one seems to be stocking up on shotgun cartridges for when hordes of wild Welshmen come marauding across the Severn.

Inspired by this forward planning, I thought I’d better come up with my own list of essential shopping ahead of our imminent isolation. Here’s an extract, Generation Game conveyor belt-style: Powdered egg, Calor gas, malt loaf, matches, processed peas, a wind turbine, Pot Noodles, longlife custard, semaphore flags, Fray Bentos pies, eight pints of A+ blood, billiard chalk, Branston pickle, antibiotics, long johns, profiteroles, a pair of waders, tinned sponge puddings, barbed wire, solar panels, packets of Smash, a foot pump, chocolate digestives, Izal toilet paper, home brew kit, a mop, Jeyes Fluid, diesel, a giant Toblerone, a bear trap and a pig.

I think that should just about cover it.


You would have thought that a useful companion in the coming Apocalypse would be a Girl Guide with an armful of badges and a talent for fire-lighting, cooking and knots. Sadly it seems that some of these skills might now be lost in the cuddly-feely world we still live in. A total of 72 new badges have been introduced in a shake-up intended to help girls and young women “take on the world”. (I do wonder if we’re getting a bit obsessed with promoting these poor fragile beings whether they like it or not. Most of the women I know are formidable forces who certainly don’t need a leg up when it comes to establishing their place in society, and would give you a painful Chinese burn if you suggested that they did.)

Anyway, the hostess badge has been retired, and badges for mindfulness and vlogging (mucking about on the internet) introduced. Brownies can now collect an aviation badge, although why you would want to let an eight-year-old fly a plane is beyond me, and Rangers can collect a badge for festival-going, which will surely include lessons on balancing on a fit young man’s shoulders and blocking everyone else’s view. Perhaps even more alarming is the mixology badge for Guides. I’m sure a Porn Star Martini will be quite welcome when I’m huddled down in my No Deal Brexit bunker. I’m just not sure that I want a 14-year-old child making it.

For more from Mike, follow him on Twitter! @cotslifeeditor


Welcome , please leave your message below.

Optional - JPG files only
Optional - MP3 files only
Optional - 3GP, AVI, MOV, MPG or WMV files

Please log in to leave a comment and share your views with other Cotswold Life visitors.

We enable people to post comments with the aim of encouraging open debate.

Only people who register and sign up to our terms and conditions can post comments. These terms and conditions explain our house rules and legal guidelines.

Comments are not edited by Cotswold Life staff prior to publication but may be automatically filtered.

If you have a complaint about a comment please contact us by clicking on the Report This Comment button next to the comment.

Not a member yet?

Register to create your own unique Cotswold Life account for free.

Signing up is free, quick and easy and offers you the chance to add comments, personalise the site with local information picked just for you, and more.

Sign up now

More from Out & about

I send this postcard from Cirencester, complete with the discoveries and viewpoints from four members of my family – both the young and not so young

Read more
Tue, 11:05

Of all the castles in the region, none have seen as much war, romance and royalty as Sudeley over its dramatic 1,000-year history. And with such a colourful and eventful past, it is easy to see why some people believe there could be spirits from bygone eras which still wander the halls and corridors to this day

Read more

What started as a business ploy by one Cotswold firm has developed into an inspirational garden

Read more
Thursday, October 11, 2018

It’s that wonderful time of year again when we warm ourselves by roaring bonfires and enjoy dazzling firework displays that light up the skies. Gather your loved ones, wrap up warm and enjoy an evening of Guy Fawkes celebrations in the Cotswolds

Read more
Monday, October 8, 2018

If a bit of English eccentricity is your thing, spend an enjoyable afternoon exploring the delightful follies of Faringdon

Read more
Monday, October 8, 2018

From an all-boy, all boarding prep school for just 30 pupils, to the quietly trailblazing yet still traditional school it is today – here is a snapshot of Beaudesert over its 110-year history

Read more
Wednesday, October 3, 2018

After something to entertain the kids during half-term? Or are you counting down the days to enjoy the thrills and spills of Halloween? Here are 20 ways to celebrate the spookiest time of year in the Cotswolds

Read more
Monday, October 1, 2018

Visitors to the village of Bourton-on-the-Water can now escape the well-trodden tourist trail at Gloucestershire Wildlife Trust’s beautiful Greystones nature reserve and its newly opened visitor centre

Read more
Thursday, September 27, 2018

Stephen Roberts walks in the footsteps of the Oxford scholar who enjoyed attending parties dressed as a polar bear, and once chased a neighbour while dressed as an axe-wielding Anglo-Saxon

Read more
Thursday, September 27, 2018

If you’re looking for things to do in the Cotswolds this month, we have gathered plenty of events for you to pop in your diary

Read more
Tuesday, September 25, 2018

No pain, no gain? Walking, cycling and horse riding make getting fit a lot more enjoyable than that

Read more
Tuesday, September 25, 2018

On a crisp, autumnal day, there is nothing better than gathering the family for a stroll amongst some of the most colourful woodland and countryside the Cotswolds has to offer. We’ve accumulated a list of our favourite places to catch the majority of this season’s golden hues

Read more
Tuesday, September 25, 2018

‘For me, Wick Court is a special place because it marks the beginning of the Henson family journey in rare breeds conservation’

Read more
Wednesday, September 19, 2018

Tracy Spiers takes Emily, daughter number two, who shares her love for anything historical, to this vibrant place and get lost in a heady mix of wild bears, Middle Age punishing devices, timber-framed buildings and live bees

Read more

Newsletter Sign Up

Sign up to the following newsletters:

Sign up to receive our regular email newsletter

Our Privacy Policy

Latest Competitions & Offers

Topics of Interest

Food and Drink Directory A+ Education

Subscribe or buy a mag today

subscription ad

Local Business Directory

Property Search