No half measures here
Above: Halfway House
Ian is an eBay addict. I know this has nothing to do with food, but I have to talk to someone.
eBay is the forum where it takes a fraction of a second to buy something, and a year to work out why you did it. Put Ian into M&S in front of an array of eminently desirable items, and he’ll come out with 1001 well-judged reasons why I shouldn’t buy any of them. So why, I wonder, did he buy a beige 27-year-old Morris Ital on eBay? Seconds later, and even he couldn’t remember. I was alerted to the transaction not by the click of his finger on the computer mouse, but by the sound of the high-pitched, hysterical giggling that accompanied it.
Next came the 55-seater coach – a Leyland Leopard, as you’re asking – which Ian felt would transform his life in a marvellous and positive way. It was advertised as ‘running brilliantly’. (As it turns out, an unusual use of both words.) Ian can’t absolutely swear the guy selling it was doing a sort of carefree and ridiculously happy dance as he finally pulled away – he was too busy struggling to get the coach into second gear to see clearly.
I rang the Citizen’s Advice Bureau. The voice at the other end of the phone made encouraging noises as I poured out 10 minutes’ worth of heart-rending detail, culminating in why I thought we should get our money back.
“What’s our legal position?” I finally asked.
“This is nail shop, Gloucester,” a Far Eastern-sounding voice replied, cautiously.
Now either I got the wrong number and they were as confused as I was, or the CAB uncharacteristically panicked.
Either way, no one wants to go out in a beige Morris Ital; and the coach is only really viable if 54 other people happen to pitch up all wanting to go to the same place at the same time.
They didn’t. So we chose somewhere we could cycle to instead: down Butt Street (where once the locals shot their arrows), on to the Great Park, up and down The Bulwarks of Minchinhampton Common – the defensive mounds built by the Dobunni tribe – and on to the 200-year-old Halfway House on the edge of the village of Box.
It’s a slightly odd-looking building: Cotswoldy from the front, but with the air (to my mind) of a swimming pool/spa when viewed from the side. If you enter from the car park (and considering how big the car park is, why are there always so many vehicles out on the common?), you have a choice of floors. Up the stairs is a more traditional open-plan layout; downstairs you’ll find a series of alcoves of varying sizes, each with their own name so you can request them. It’s a pretty clever idea, actually – especially as each has its own controls for music and lights.
You can see someone’s put a lot of time and effort into designing this – as they have with the menu: a credit to head chef Heather and her team. This pub recently won the Cotswold Life Food and Drink Dining Pub of the Year award – and it’s not hard to spot its plus points. The menu has something for everyone: soup, Cornish crab, escargots, duck breast, sardines, lamb, spiced coconut Thai-style mushrooms, and plenty more besides.
I choose the local goats’ cheese, lightly grilled with pears poached in ‘Rolands’ honey, butter and wholegrain mustard.
“Where’s the goats’ cheese from?” I ask the waitress, mindful of the fact that my favourite local goats’ cheese is best served ungrilled.
She comes back after consulting with the kitchen. “Wales,” she says.
Well, to the Welsh, that’s local, I suppose.
Other suppliers, though, are indubitably the real McCoy, such as the dairy produce from Tim, just down the road at Amberley Court Farm, whose hens play chicken with the cars on the lane.
Talking of which, Ian’s home-made chicken liver pâté is excellent; and my main course of poached Scottish salmon with a tomato, caper and cumin dressing is also good. But the Gloucestershire fillet steak with a fresh chilli, garlic and ginger soy infusion, though tender, is rather dry.
If I’m going to quibble, though, it’s with the bread basket: £3 for two ordinary sliced baguettes seems rather steep. I’d have happily swapped the mounds of potatoes with my main course for a few free slices instead.
We finish off with a lemon and vanilla posset and a strawberry and chocolate cream cheesecake with chocolate sauce, as Katie Fforde and her husband stroll through to their table. They’ve been here before – for a big family gathering – and like it very much.
“After we’d finished eating last time, Heather, the chef came out and talked to us. Now you wouldn’t get a chef doing that who wasn’t confident of a good reception,” Katie wisely points out.
At just under £80 for three courses with a bottle of wine, that’s not bad value, we think, as we cycle, up and down the dilly dumps, back home.
Halfway House is at Box near Minchinhampton, 01453 832631; www.halfwayhousebox.com